Monday, August 20, 2007

From the Unintelligible News Files

We hate it when reporters and their copy editors try to be cute with the news at the expense of clarity. We had to read several paragraphs of the story before we knew what had happened:
Eagles' smoking ban defiance snuffed in Yakima
Associated Press

YAKIMA — Washington's ban on indoor smoking ruffled the feathers of the local Eagles' club, but now its wings have been clipped.

More than a year and a half after the state ban took effect, officials of the Yakima chapter of the Fraternal Order of Eagles have agreed to ban smoking at their club.
Translation:

The Yakima Eagles Club has finally banned smoking, more than a year and a half after the state banned tobacco indoors.

The headline looks like a triple negative: ban defiance snuffed. Say what?

Then, a misplaced modifier follows in the lead, which makes it sound as though the ban's "wings" were clipped. This could be rewritten to retain the bird metaphor: The state smoking ban ruffled the feathers of the local Eagles' club, but now, the group's wings have been clipped. Still, it's yucky.

Anyone still reading by the third paragraph can probably figure out what's happening, but this isn't how news reporting is supposed to work. Newspapers are suffering, and this sort of thing doesn't help.

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